Most of the couples, even in today’s world, still meet via friends and family. Many others meet in college or at work.
However, there are many good reasons to Find Love Outside your Social Circle. In this post I will discuss the benefits of looking for your partner outside you social circles. We will also discuss the different aspects of how interactions and connections between men and women happen.
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What’s wrong with dating friends and job colleagues?
When dating a friend of a friend, or someone from work, think how much pressure you can have. Everything you do, say or try will be “reported”.
And even if not, just the feeling that you can’t be free (and be yourself) makes me nervous. And what about dating someone your parents arrange you? Even Worse!
That’s why, as a basic rule, I personally oppose to date women that are a part of my social circle. It just doesn’t feel comfortable.
Another factor that is important is what I call “Variety”: If you work in a small office, does it mean that you can only choose from the 5 people who work with you? And what if you have a small family and just a few friends? Dating within you social circle allows you a very limited variety to choose from.
To me, I also want to add that I like meeting new people. It makes me feel energetic and dynamic when I go on a date with a new girl that I know nothing about. What about you?
Meeting outside the Social Circle
The No.1 Thing that makes it so difficult to meet people outside your social circle is the fact that you need to meet New People. You need to approach and Initiate Conversation.
What it means is that the man’s role becomes more dominant: In human society, men are expected to approach and women are only expected to give signals of interest. The biological roots of this “rule” are that man’s attraction mechanism is mainly visual – men are attracted to women based on physical looks.
In order to succeed dating outside your social circle, we need to understand what attracts men and women, and how interactions happen.
Different Attraction Mechanisms
According to Psychological studies, women and men have Different Attraction Mechanisms. Attraction is created primarily in our subconscious mind, so we usually don’t notice what attracts us to the opposite sex.
What attracts men to women: Beauty, Soft Skin, Curvy Body, Feminine Behavior.
What attracts women to men: Physical Strength, Leadership, Decisiveness, Social Skills, Humor, Confidence.
As you can easily notice, men are attracted to mostly visual characteristics, most of which are physical looks. On the other hand, women are attracted primarily to masculine behaviors.
According to studies of human attraction, men’s attraction is 80% based on physical looks and 20% on behavior, while the women’s is only 20% based on physical looks. This explains why men can easily “fall in love” within seconds without even interacting with the woman, while it rarely happens to women.
Man’s Job to Approach
As we saw above, women aren’t that much attracted to physical looks. It is one of the reasons why we don’t expect them to approach and show interest in a man. In many cases, they are just not interested yet. They need to get to know the guy first.
Another factor that takes part here is social conditioning. According to the “rules” of human society, women are not expected to approach men. Even if they want to approach, social conditioning prevents this from happening.
The last factor I will mention here is about attraction. Men are attracted to feminine behavior in women. When we say feminine, it includes, well, being shy, confused, not aggressive. The best association that I have is of a young princess. When a woman approaches a man, there is something not feminine in this.
These are 3 reasons, for which women will rarely approach men they don’t know. Because we are talking about love outside your social circle, it means that it’s the man’s job to initiate and approach. If men don’t do this, no interactions will take place.
Women give Signals
It’s the man who needs to approach, but does it mean that women need to remain completely passive? In fact, the answer is No. Women use Signals to show their interest in a man.
When I say “Signals”, I first of all mean all kinds of signs that women can use to show their initial interest in a man. This can be done by using looking at the man (and then looking away), by touching the hair, by moving closer to the man; even by touching him accidently.
But signals also include indicating the man that the woman wants to continue the conversation. In fact, if a man approaches a woman, she can easily stop the interaction. But showing interest can be done easily, even by continuing talking.
Using all those signals, which is sometimes done subconsciously, is what actually creates the conversation and determines its success (or failure) and where it will go further.
Male Fear of Approach
Men have a variety of fears regarding approaching women. It can be the fear of rejection (“What if she says ‘No?’”; or the fear of failure (“What if she refuses to give me her phone number?”); or the fear of social criticism (“Everyone in the bar will see me”). There are around 20 various fears of approach, and every man has one or some of them.
This fear is described by many as even stronger than the fear of public speaking. So, if a man doesn’t approach a woman, it doesn’t mean he is not interested. Perhaps he is just afraid of approaching.
Overcoming the fear of approach creates many opportunities, both for men and women. How can women assist men in overcoming their fear? Using the signals we discussed above. If a man feels that a certain woman is interested in him, it will definitely help him in dealing with his fears.
Bars, Cafes, Libraries, or in the Supermarket
Finding love outside your social circle means, that no matter if you are a man or a woman, you need to find a partner that you currently don’t know.
This can be done in any place where singles go. Bars and Night clubs are great, but even during the day, doing your casual activities; you can find your mate.
It’s the man’s job to approach, but it’s the woman who can indirectly show her interests by showing signals of interest.
Understanding what attracts us to each other and how the process of meeting new people works, can help us succeed in dating outside our social circle, and eventually find our love.